It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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