And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
