Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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