you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
