Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
