My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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