I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
