what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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