I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
