I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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