don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
