OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just google imaged poop.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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