A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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