I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
