I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
