Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
