just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
