Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
