she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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