Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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