I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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