hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
