I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
