I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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