maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
