the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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