I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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