hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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