I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
