My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
