everyone is single if you try hard enough
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
