they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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