Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize