I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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