I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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