your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
