saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
