Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
