Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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