Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
