there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you will always have a special place in my vag
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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