you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize