as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
