Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
