I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
