Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
