my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
