The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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