is your mom at the bar?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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