No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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