meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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