i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
