when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
