Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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