I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
