life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who died my cat blue again?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
