I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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