last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize