I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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