yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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