yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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