I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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