I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
