We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
