you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
