'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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