i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
being pregnant is like rehab
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
