hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
