i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
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