dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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