My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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