there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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